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Joke of the Day

"This girl said ""she didn't know how I would take it..."" So I figured if anything I'd just give it back."

"How do you stop a woman giving you a blow job? Marry her."

"Why Americans are so bad in geography? They are taking the geography lessons from their Canadian neighbors in the south."

"Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race? Because they're not garbage collectors."

"Here's a FedEx joke http://imgur.com/UiGwU3e"

"What is my ex girlfriend's favorite hands on day in math class? Manipulatives. god i'm so lonely"

"Bae: Come over. Romeo: Can't. You're a Capulet, I'm a Montague. Bae: Deny thy father and refuse thy name; come over. Romeo: Also, you're 13."

"A pony walks into a bar and in a soft and raspy voice says to the bartender, Gimme a beer. The bartender says, Sure buddy, sounds like you got a cough. The pony replies, I'm a little hoarse."

"How many states of matter are there? 5: solids, liquids, gases, plasma, and black lives"

"Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]"