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Joke of the Day

"Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race? Because they're not garbage collectors."

"How many dank memes does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, just use the jet fuel instead."

"Being gay is a choice... like being black, poor, or an amputee. No one really made you go to Iraq"

"What's the definition of an african-american? Proof that skunks and monkeys fuck."

"At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?"

"What does a fat girl desire but already have? A ten chin"

"Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them."

"Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility... everyone is counting on them."

"Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him? It was what inspired him to become the Batman."

"""I'll sleep when I'm Ned!"" -Exhausted pre-op who plans to go by Ned after the surgery"