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Joke of the Day

"Me: Mom, am I ugly? Mom: Why don't you ask your girlfriend? Me: But I don't have a girlfriend! Mom: Still looking for the answer?"

"You probably know the last word of this sentence"

"I received their wedding invitation on Facebook, so I sent them a gift from Farmville....figured it was appropriate."

"I wish gummi bears screamed when you ate them"

"And then Satan said, ""save time ~ respond to her text with a K."""

"It's a doge eat doge world out there. Such cutthroat. Very survival of the fitter"

"I turned in my letter of resignation to my smug supervisor at the refrigeration plant. He accepted it with his usual air of condensation."

"clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting."

"There are 30 cows and twenty eight chickens... How many didn't? Better told in person."

"Don't lie you would touch all sorts of weird shit with a ten-foot pole."