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Joke of the Day

"I received their wedding invitation on Facebook, so I sent them a gift from Farmville....figured it was appropriate."

"Everybody is tweeting ""OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH"", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?"

"What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess."

"The best late artist of the late 20th century yelvis. I AINT NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG. CRYING ALL THE TIME."

"What's the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird."

"What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? Pooping"

"I'm having an out-of-money experience."

"Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken."

"My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says ""We need to talk""."

"ASTRONAUT: Houston, we have a problem. HOUSTON: Oh, we're fine down here, thanks for asking. Let's make this all about you though, as usual."