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Joke of the Day

"Don't lie you would touch all sorts of weird shit with a ten-foot pole."

"What do you call a group of invading pirates? An **Arrr**my"

"Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions."

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"" and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade."""

"Arnold Schwarzenegger and windows 10 Just after windows 10 was released, Arnold was asked if he was ever going to upgrade to windows 10. His response? 'I still love Vista, baby.'"

"Greg wins 25,000,000.00 in the nationally lottery and runs home ""Margret, I won the lottery, pack your bags"", ""why Greg, where are we going?"". ""I don't care, pack your bags and get out"" says Greg."

"If I had a dollar for every woman who found me unattractive... They would eventually find me attractive"

"How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb."

"Why are black people so fast? Cause the slow ones are in jail"

"Why did u shoot ur wife ? Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover? Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."