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Joke of the Day

"I have nothing in common with people who eat 1 Pringle at a time instead of frantically shoving 20 in their mouth like it's a wood chipper ."

"They say eye contact in job interviews is important, but try sticking a finger in the interviewer's eye and they always get mad."

"A lot of times you put up a tweet and at first it doesn't seem like it's going to do very well and then BOOM: you make 1 million dollars"

"A priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench... when a little boy, around 9 years old passes them by. ""Wanna fuck him?"" asks the priest. ""Out of what?"" the rabbi replies."

"A low pressure faucet and a penis with erectile dysfunction have a lot in common.... Both can still drain their liquids but neithers getting anything off"

"Did you know that the illuminati created golf as a way of harnessing the world's most valuable energy source? Angry old white men."

"when I was 11 my dad saw me using deodorant, laughed, and said ""that's not how you do it."" I never asked him the right way & it haunts me"

"I like my presidents like I like my slaves Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with ""I ran"""

"Why do i call my dick ""chess""? because it's hard as fuck for 6 year olds"

"The difference between ""like"" ""love"" and ""in love"" is the same as the difference between ""for now"" ""for a while"" and ""forever"""