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Joke of the Day

"I have nothing in common with people who eat 1 Pringle at a time instead of frantically shoving 20 in their mouth like it's a wood chipper ."

"No, I'm not damaging my liver. I'm about to sterilize it using alcohol."

"Last night my wife said that our bed had seen better days. She's right. When she stopped at her mum's last week, I had a threesome in it on Monday and Tuesday."

"What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ""Are you sure it's mine?"""

"Funny teacher responses to ""Can I go to the bathroom?"" Forget the classic ""I don't know, can you?"""

"Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked ""Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I don't jam after drinking a gallon of nut butter."

"My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries. Credit: Charles Demers"

"My new Girlfriend told me ""A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship"" I still wish she didn't have one."

"My work fired me for only losing a kilo! It sure is tough working for the International Bureau Of Weights And Measures..."