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Joke of the Day

"Whats the point of calling it ""secret Santa""? Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa."

"Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole."

"It's no fun when someone you're ignoring ignores you back."

"Two muffins are sitting in a oven... One muffin says to the other, ""Damn, it's hot in here"". The other muffin says, ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!!"""

"Put the punchline in the title How do you ruin a joke?"

"I hate when I'm in a restaurant bathroom, and I run out of toilet paper. Like my dinner guests are gonna be scared of HALF a mummy costume"

"What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common? They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing."

"Took a career aptitude test. My results: sports team mascot, bridge troll, sign twirler, petting zoo shit shoveler"

"1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank."

"What is the difference between a pizza and a black guy? A pizza can feed a family of four!"