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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are sitting in a oven... One muffin says to the other, ""Damn, it's hot in here"". The other muffin says, ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!!"""

"What does an asylum have in common with a squirrel's house? They're both used to store nuts."

"If your a kid and want to become cooler, heres a tip. Start smoking cigarette's. You can thank me later."

"Did you hear about the woman who got those wooden breast implants? It would make for a good punchline, wooden tit?"

"So I am a poet and a novelist challenges me to a fight... So I say ""Come at me, prose"""

"Love it how music can take you to another place . For example, One direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one."

"My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I quoted Linkin Park too much. But in the end it doesn't even matter."

"How are a frying pan and a beautiful woman similar? You have to get them both hot before you put the meat in."

"33, Male, Jerusalem. You?"

"When I realized my boyfriend said we should 'break up' & not 'break dance', I was sad, but also relieved."