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Joke of the Day

"What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common? They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing."

"What day do soldiers hate the most? March Fourth"

"It's raining cats and dogs outside. Know how I can tell? I stepped in a poodle."

"Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk? He can't stand the 1%"

"A British man asked to his friend, ""How many seats are there in the van?"" ""More than the Lib Dems."""

".@petco None of the pets I purchase from you shrug and say ""It's a living"" when I use them in place of household appliances."

"What do you call 2 medics? paramedics"

"I went to a karaoke bar last night. I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it had a silent pee."

"Why did the condom cross the road? Because he was pissed off."