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Joke of the Day

"If it weren't for Abraham Lincoln, America really would have gone South."

"I am a man with Alzheimer's, AMA! EDIT: Why is everyone asking me questions?"

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he got asked to play in a film about classic composers? I'll be Bach."

"My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper."

"I saw my ex while taking a test today wonder if she cheated on that too..."

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"

"My British friend asked me, ""Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?"" I told him, ""Dude, we literally drive on the right side."""

"A guy sees an Indian in a port-a-poty The guy asks how long he has been down there. The Indian responds, ""Many a moon"""

"Padme: Dating is scaring. I just want to find a nice guy who's not going to murder me. Anakin: You've chosen wisely."

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."