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Joke of the Day

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"

"So a photon checks into a hotel... Bellman says ""Sir may I take your bags?"" Photon replies ""Nah... I'm traveling light"""

"What does a black man do when faced with the death penalty? Nigga pleads."

"China has entered the space race. In other news, the first outer space restaurant is set to be named ""The Space Wok"""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt... The bartender asks: ""What the hell is a steering wheel doing there?"" the pirate replies: ""Arr, it's been driving me nuts"""

"U.S. DEPT OF FORESTRY: Sir, we believe you're hunting illegally GUY IN ALL CAMO W/ ORANGE HAT: *takes off hat* USDOF: Dammit we lost him"

"What do you want to do before you tickle someone? Test-tickles"

"Ahhhh, Pawn Stars So, I walk into Rick Harrison pawn shop and I ask, ""Can I have change for a dollar?"" He responds,""I can only do 75."""

"Why are photographers always so depressed? Because they always focus on the negatives."

"Every time I walk into a Wal-Mart I think to myself, "" I've never seen so many of God's mistakes all in one place."""