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Joke of the Day

"What do Harvard and a virgin have in common? You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came."

"I can actually decide what is inspirational on my own. But thanks for the warning"

"I like my elections like I like my contract bridge. No Trump"

"First thing I do every morning when I wake up is take a shit. Then I roll over and get out of bed."

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. EDIT: LADDER. I MEANT LADDER."

"When I see someone in public talking on a bluetooth..I like to position myself on the other side, lean in & whisper ""It's ok I see them too"""

"Obama: Didn't think he'd be late Biden: I gave him the wrong address Obama: Joe he's the president-elect Biden: idgaf what they call him"

"*dresses like a kitty* *climbs tree* *waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*"

"A man walks into a gay bar and says... ""Whose dick do I have to suck to suck a dick around here?"" Heard it on Game Grumps."

"I was just awarded a trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf."