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Joke of the Day

"[breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win."

"""One Two Three Four Five Six... KEVIN!!!"" - how I would introduce myself 100% of the time if my parents had blessed me with the name Kevin"

"What did the douchebag say to the chemist when he dropped his beaker? U mad scientist?"

"A horse enters a bar... A horse enters a bar Upon seeing it, the barman says, ""Why the long face?"" The horse, unable of understanding human language, shits on the floor and leaves"

"What do you call a vampire who owns a restaurant? Count Spatula"

"Did you guys hear about the scandal with the South Korean president? She did the right thing and accepted Seoul responsibility."

"The interviewer asked me, ""What's your worst quality?"" I said, ""I tend to speak my mind."" He said, ""I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing..."" I said, ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""

"My mother is in the hospital... She's a nurse."

"I always play Jenga on a first date That way girls know my pull out game is strong"

"They say that money can't buy you happiness, but being broke buys you nothing..."