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Joke of the Day

"4yo: What do you love most in the world? Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you? 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh"

"Why don't people like gay soccer players? They score against their own team."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Annie! Annie who ? Annie-versary !"

"Things Michael J. Fox would be good at Grating Parmesan cheese."

"What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? (hopefully not a repost) The city supports the bench. Badum-tsss"

"I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - ""open bar"""

"Why did the Red Hot Chili Peppers cross the road? Because they wanted to be taken to the other side."

"Whats the difference between a dirts bus stop and a crab with big boobs? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"[deathbed] Son....come closer ""Yes dad?"" We need a new man of the house ""I'd-"" *presses fake mustache into his hands* Give this to your sister"

"We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER"