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Joke of the Day

"a disturbing new trend called hot bowling: teens order a breadbowl full of soup at Panera & attempt to eat the breadbowl BEFORE the soup"

"Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning! *scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto fingers* Judy: Hi!!! How are y..... Me: *walks away*"

"I was at the bank earlier and an elderly lady asked me to check her balance for her I still don't understand why she was mad when I pushed her over"

"Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork."

"I can never talk about religion... ...no one understands me when I tell them i'm a Dyslexic Santaist."

"A woman was doing a great job driving..."

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving: **However**, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice"

"Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all"

"""The mood was somber plus it was a total sausage fest. The unlimited fish & loaves were a nice touch though.""-Yelp review of the Last Supper"

"I saw a sign yesterday that said, ""Have you seen this man?"" with a little picture of the criminal and a number to call. I was bored so I rung them up and said, ""No, I haven't."""