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Joke of the Day

"Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning! *scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto fingers* Judy: Hi!!! How are y..... Me: *walks away*"

"So a centaur walks into a bar The bartender says, ""Hey, how's the sore throat?"" The centaur replies, ""My throat isn't horse but my legs are."""

"Difference between a prostitute and a slut The prostitute sleeps with everybody. The slut sleeps with everybody except me."

"What do you call a jelly bear that died and came back? A mummy bear"

"What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight!"

"I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere."

"God wouldn't have made children so short if he didn't want you to fart in their faces."

"[holding an acorn] ""do you still love me?"" Wife yells outside- ""that's not even the same squirrel as yesterday!"" ""Shaddup you!"""

"They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said ""My HMO doesn't cover residential treatment."""

"Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner? Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin."