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Joke of the Day

"I was almost in a devil's threesome once, but at the last minute the other guy backed out. So i looked at the girl and said... ""Well that's a load off your back"""

"What's 9 inches long, rock hard, full of semen, and the ladies scream at? my cock."

"Husband : Why are there broken condoms on our couch??? Wife : would you please call our children by their real names?"

"""I've got cat-like T-Rexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Tyrannosaurus pounces on you*"

"The thing that frightens me the most about being brutally murdered is having Nancy Grace screeching about the details of it on primetime tv."

"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."

"""Is there a genius in the house?! It's an emergency!"" *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*"

"My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal. I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job."

"What did the polite homosexual man say to another at the bar? Mind if I push your stool in for you?"

"Moby jumped over a mountain.... of air. . . . . . . What did you expect?"