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Joke of the Day
"To the people who don't like me... suck it. To the people that do like me... same thing. "
Next Joke
"Twilight drinking game rules: 1) drink 40 shots when you press play so you can die before the movie starts."
"I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off."
"Thank god I have the newest, fastest iPhone so I can mindlessly check the same three apps 500 times a day."
"How do you top a car? You tep on the brake, tupid!"
"Those novelty New Years glasses look so stupid. So I wear glasses that say ""Yesterday"" because it makes me wise beyond my years."
"I put the p in pants."
"What do you call a cheap circumcision? Rip-off."
"I thought reverse psychology was when.. you made your therapist cry"
"A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane... Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?! Man: (Raising Hand) I'm a vegan."