332

Joke of the Day

"Thank god I have the newest, fastest iPhone so I can mindlessly check the same three apps 500 times a day."

"How does a scientist make a hormone? The same way I do: don't pay her!"

"Does it take more than one Mexican to screw in a light bulb? No, Juan knows"

"Did you hear the joke about the dance? The punchline wasn't funny."

"It was a shame King Henry VIII had a lisp, it made it quite difficult for him to order his wives coffee. ""I'll have them decapitated"""

"A hummingbird is a lot like a songbird, It just doesn't know the lyrics."

"A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken."

"What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion? Fast food"

"I've been exaggerating... ...since 1744."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center? Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger."