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Joke of the Day

"How do you top a car? You tep on the brake, tupid!"

"I do this amazing trick where I can erase every restaurant from your memory. Ready? Ok, here goes... ""Where should we go for dinner?"""

"If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry"

"Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve."

"What do Monica Lewinsky and the New York Giants have in common? They were both terrorized by Clinton Dix, Ha Ha."

"Where do baby cows go to eat lunch? At the calf-eteria."

"Everyone is self-confident until they see themselves through an iPhone's front camera."

"Unlike his famous father, Lord Kelvin's son never amounted to much. He was an absolute zero."

"Quentin Tarantino always looks like he walked through a car wash."

"[NSFW]My uncle said I have the body of a seven year old... ...I told him to stay away from my freezer."