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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend left me recently because I kept on touching pasta... Right now I'm feeling cannelloni..."

"Why does Peter Parker have a shower in his apartment? He can't get out of a bath."

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"LPT: If you're trying to get over a crush just imagine them taking the wettest dump ever. Unless, of course, you're into that kind of shit."

"18 goes into 40 more than 40 goes into 18 ( ~ )"

"Two antennas met on a roof... After a while they fell in love and in a few years time the antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!"

"Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun."

"I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for?"

"A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything."

"What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce? Chicken sees-a salad"