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Joke of the Day

"Cars & sex -Hey Marc, I bet your sexlife is like your Ferrari! ""I don't have a Ferrari."" -That's what i mean."

"why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? to get to the bottom!"

"I can't find a single Ekans here in Ireland with Pokemon Go. Thanks, St Patrick"

"I asked Dumbledore what 3 + 5 was. It didn't know the answer because it was a dumb old door."

"Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has ""will get in cars with strangers"" in her bio. I'm hiding........"

"I read a book today about the dangers of alcohol. And that's when I decided to quit. Reading."

"Two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, ""Is it hot in here or is it just me?"" The other one looks at him and replies, ""HOLY SHIT, A TAKING MUFFIN!!"""

"I just found out my cousin and her husband are pregnant Everyone keeps saying they don't know the sex but I am pretty sure it wasn't anal"

"I would help you carry some of those bushes... but I've already got two palms on my hands."

"Do you know what a true competitor is? [NSFW] It's a guy who enters a masturbation contest and comes in first, third and ninth."