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Joke of the Day

"I just found out my cousin and her husband are pregnant Everyone keeps saying they don't know the sex but I am pretty sure it wasn't anal"

"What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs"

"Why are fish only happy inside? They have in-door fins"

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything? King Kong's shadow."

"Once upon a time there was a man. Today there are many **EDIT** Grandad joke. Rest his soul"

"I'm really claustrophobic and just walked into a room crammed full with married people... Luckily there wasn't a single person in it"

"Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything."

"Why are there no knock knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings. 'Murica"

"I've been jogging for 6 minutes & there are, literally, 9 vultures circling above me."