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Joke of the Day

"Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one's knowledge or competence. Or, as I call it, tweeting."

"My Mom watched me play ""Madden"" for 40 minutes then asked ""What game are you watching?"" I wonder what she thought I was doing with my hands."

"Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Cause he was told to get a long little doggy."

"What do you call an Irish milkshake? Mashed potatoes..."

"I ate some fireflies for supper today. I'm trying to eat light."

"Why can't the Tyrannosaurus Rex clap? Because they're dead"

"5: I want to do something no one else has ever done. Me: Help me clean? 5: No. Something fun."

"My marriage is like a game of cards It started out with two hearts and a diamond, now all I want is a club and a spade."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a *great* year."

"How do you know if you have a tough mosquito ? You slap him and he slaps you back !"