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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a *great* year."

"My biggest fear is laughing at a joke I didn't understand and someone asks me to explain it to them."

"Why didn't the sun have to attend university? It's already got thousands of degrees."

"""Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!"" - people with stupid names"

"Poor Luigi when his parents were all, ""This is Mario, we also call him 'Super Mario'. And this Luigi, we also call him 'Player 2'."

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"A punchline my Japanese girlfriend came up with: What's black, white, and red all over? A Black Santa Claus!!!"

"I'm so sick of gravity! It's really brining me down."

"Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed? Because they always want to be right."

"Where do mice park their boats? At the Hickory Dickory Dock!"