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Joke of the Day

"I just long for a relationship with someone who doesn't make me feel like I'm missing out on something cool on television or the internet."

"My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving! This is a new low..."

"After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I'm like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly this dick in your mom's mouth"

"Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying ""The court room sketch artist is so hunky."""

"Guys how can you tell if a girl is attracted to you? She touches her ears with her ankles"

"How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays? He just quit eating cold turkey."

"Happy 48th B'day Quentin Tarantino. Stuck for a gift? Start his party with lots of boring conversation and then suddenly kill everyone"

"Isn't it amazing that human brains are still faster than supercomputers? Eventually they'll start putting wheels on the machines though."

"Wedding photographer's slogan: Take a picture of your marriage. It will last longer."