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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it amazing that human brains are still faster than supercomputers? Eventually they'll start putting wheels on the machines though."

"When I leave a plane, I tighten the belts before I leave so that whoever sits there next will think ""wow, whoever sat here was very thin""."

"If you're ever cold go stand in a corner... ...and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

"""W.A.D."" a simple mnemonic device for remembering the steps in folding a fitted sheet stands for: 1. Wad it up; 2. And; 3. Done"

"I'm hungry but broke so I'm waiting for my bf to say he's hungry too than he'll order something delicious while I pretend to be indifferent."

"Shameless Bachelor Joke Theft Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware store? He wanted to find a tight seal!"

"if you open Door.jar, is the door still ajar?"

"12 year old girls are an untapped market."

"A man comes home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers... ""I suppose I'll have to keep my legs open for the next few days!"" The wife says. The husband replies, ""Why? Don't you have any vases?"""

"Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2? Because he said he was pro Bono."