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Joke of the Day

"I held a convention for solipsists. Nobody else showed up. So I sent everyone home."

"Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's ""Push It"" will get you arrested."

"Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it."

"What's Bruce Lee's favourite drink? WAAAAAATEEEEERRRR"

"I was lucky enough to run into Terrence Howard in the street, and I told him that I saw his latest movie once. Condescendingly, as if I were an idiot, he replied, ""Don't you mean... two times?"""

"What did the envelope say to the stamp? ""Stick with me and we'll go places."""

"What does a hippy say when you ask him to leave? Namaste"

"Trying to assemble a team of superhero sex offenders. We definitely need the Flash."

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."