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Joke of the Day

"""Hi, I'm Anne Hathaway for Proactiv. I've been blessed with great skin, I'm just lucky I guess, but I totally support you if you need this."""

"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""

"Whoever said Obama never created any jobs... Obviously has never heard of Isis"

"Q: Why do they call a horse a horse? A: Because they speak English."

"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."

"Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died? Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen."

"So I was in bed with this woman and she said, ""Not in the ass."" I said, ""Hey, it's my thumb, it's my ass. If you don't like it, go in the other room."" Garry Shandling"

"I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee... urinate"

"You know what Popeye and Napoleon have in common? They both come on those little jugs of Olive Oil."

"Yo mama so fat, her gravity bends space-time."