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Joke of the Day

"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."

"May you never leave your marriage alive."

"I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous"

"A motorist runs over a woman. Who's to blame? The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)"

"How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South? Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!"

"Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering where the word etymology came from..."

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"Pretty woman wouldn't have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior."

"Canada's navy"

"Anyone else find it slightly suspicious that a massive plane's gone missing over the same ocean that Bin Laden's floating in.....?"