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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about the peanut who rode the subway? He was a salted. Sexually. He was a salted sexually. . . .there's nothing funny about that."

"Can a hippo be a hypocrite. Would the elephants call him hippocrite. Then he can call them elecunts."

"Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me."

"First time posting here. I always found this f$%#ed up, but hilarious. Q: Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars? A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there? Me: Not Lucy."

"My Lebanese friend knocked over his dip. I had to report him for hummus-side. Edit: changed arrest to report because reasons."

"Reporter 1: see Argentina needs to score here because if not they lose Reporter 2: so true jon. So true"

"Pinion nut math What do you get when you have one pinion nut in one hand, and two pinion nuts in another? A difference of a pinion!"

"Suprise me! I went to the pub last night and the barman asked what I wanted so I said ""suprise me"" He then showed me a naked picture of my girlfriend"

"What beer does Sean Connery drink? Grols"

"Why is leather armor the best for sneaking? Because it's made of hide"