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Joke of the Day

"Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore? Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP"

"Two tips for faster jogging- (1) hot girl in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you. Also, if you're behind a (1) you're probably her (2)."

"Where are new Starcraft players born? In the noobula"

"How are blowjobs and hollandaise sauce alike? You can't get either at home."

"I hate waiting in lines. At prom I was overjoyed because there was no punch line."

"The worst form of Alzheimer's is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer."

"I was close to becoming a rap god. But then 1 day my mom licked her thumb to wipe a smudge off my face as a kid & ruined all my street cred."

"So a guy gets his arm and leg cut off..... Its okay he's all right."

"Pizza will never hurt your feelings."

"I have an amazing gardener who's both vision impaired and dyslexic. His work is Mind BLowing"