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Joke of the Day
"So a guy gets his arm and leg cut off..... Its okay he's all right."
Next Joke
"Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls."
"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence... ...because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."
"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says, ""Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!"
"[funeral] ME: I never know what to say at these things. WIDOW: sorry for your loss. ME: it's ok, I'm sure I'll think of something."
"I've decided to give karate a break for a little while... I guess you could say I am going on a HI-YA-tus."
"a quick zinger If your uncle jack helped you off a horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse?"
"Did you hear the one about Bernie Sanders? Probably not, the /r/politics mods deleted it before anyone saw."
"Modern fast food has a ""fuck you"" attitude that I relate to on a deeply personal level."
"So an Irishman walks out of the bar."