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Joke of the Day

"I needed to get a shipment of almonds to the airport quickly. It was so weird to call Uber and ask if they could drive me nuts."

"My wife's credit card got stolen and she doesn't know how... I do, I've been praying for a financial miracle."

"I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house"

"When is a car like a frog ? When it's becing toad !"

"Do you know what happens when you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed."

"Why is your paper blank? Teacher: Why is your paper blank? Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer ! :D :D"

"What do you call a group of animals who decides to kill themselves? Mass zooicide."

"""This is the best acid ever. I totally should write some children's books now."" ~ Dr. Seuss"

"I asked my husband for the newspaper. ""Don't be silly,"" he said. ""Use my iPad."" That spider never knew what hit it."

"Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero."