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Joke of the Day

"Buying a new car and online dating are sort of the same thing... You're looking for the youngest model with the least amount of miles on it."

"When I'm not standing up or laying down, I have a seizure If I sit, I fit."

"My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

"Humour is subjective That was a joke for those of you who didn't get it"

"Two Scottish ducks on a tandem... The one on the back says ""Quack!"" The one on the front says "" Ah cannae go any quacker"""

"Welcome to the dark side. We have.... Well, we can't see what we have. It's dark."

"If time means money... ...then an ATM is **A** **T**ime **M**achine."

"It's actually easy to spell Connecticut if you think Apple are creating a brand new self-harming app. Connect-iCut."

"Why is it so difficult to make a hooker smile? They're all crabby."

"Her: What do you like about me? Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What? Me: Your eyes"