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Joke of the Day

"When I'm not standing up or laying down, I have a seizure If I sit, I fit."

"The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't make that here."" Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar. He gets up and leaves. He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver."

"What's long and black? The unemployment line."

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"

"""Engagement"" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?"

"What do you call a redneck orgy? A family reunion."

"I can't take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It's still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag."

"Why is it so hot? I can just feel the sweat roll down kirstie alley's thighs"

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? I don't have a BMW in my garage. ....and if I did, I *probably* wouldn't masturbate in it."

"Did you hear about the new Jewish Sports Car? It stops on a dime then picks it up."