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Joke of the Day

"It's actually easy to spell Connecticut if you think Apple are creating a brand new self-harming app. Connect-iCut."

"Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: only the inner light matters."

"Friend: Hey dude can you please help me out? Me: Yeah, over there mate same way that you came in."

"[At Mexican Restaurant] Me:asks for food to be spicy hot Waitress: how hot? Me: Waitress:my people hot or your people hot"

"After many years I've realized I'm allergic to beer. It causes me to break out in places. Places I have no idea how to get home from."

"How do you find and old man in the dark? Just feel around. It's not hard."

"How do skunks like their e-mails? Scent."

"Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental."

"Been rubbing this thing on my carpet for 2 hours and still nothing. How the hell do you recharge a smart car?"

"I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out. Curse those wrap-scallions!"