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Joke of the Day

"If a tattoo artist... If a tattoo artist does an absolutely perfect tattoo on only one butt cheek, is that still considered a half-ass job?"

"Why did the console cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side"

"me *sneezes* cw: Bless you me *sneezes* cw: Allergies? [flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to] me: Yeah, I guess so"

"Have you heard about the guy who got frozen to the absolute freezing point? Don't worry, he's 0K now."

"Two wolves are chasing a Golden Retriever through the forest. After an hour, the first wolf says to the second wolf, ""Ain't this a bitch?"" To which the second wolf responds, ""It had better be""."

"How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday! "

"[1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?"

"My pharmacist thinks I'm a pedophile. He keeps putting labels on my pills telling me to keep away from children."

"A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs."

"Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy? Because Opey never delivered."