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Joke of the Day

"A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don't actually live by."

"Kid behind me on plane kicking my chair and coloring. *turns around* *grabs one of his crayons* *slowly breaks it* *whispers ""you're next""*"

"Two condoms walk into a gay bar. One condom says to the other ""hey man, let's get shitfaced."""

"me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test* cashier: would u like a bag"

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance Saturday, Sunday"

"Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly."

"""Chill out."" - Spanish receptionist saying Jill isn't in."

"What do people from West Virginia do on Halloween? Pump Kin"

"What do spam emails and porn have in common? They both make me insecure about my penis."

"Sorry boss, I set my alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM and that's why I haven't been at work in six years."