123216

Joke of the Day

"You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the ugly guy's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken."

"[WARNING, spoilers ahead!] 1.) Storing milk at room temperature 2.) Grandparents 3.) Black people in a movie theatre"

"I act like I don't care but deep inside I still don't give a fcuk."

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and expense reports."

"OFFICER DOWN I REPEAT WE HAVE AN OFFICER DOWN. I'm fine just down for whatever. Dancing or something fun."

"If time means money... ...then an ATM is **A** **T**ime **M**achine."

"I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold."

"Did you hear about the guy from Newfoundland who was twenty-two years old before he knew which part of the olive to throw away?"

"What's the difference between a cock and a sausage roll? ""I don't know"" Wanna go for a picnic?"