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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He took a bite before it was cool."

"*calls into work* ""yo boss i'm real sick"" ""you don't sound sick..."" ""ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys"" ""wow u do sound hella sick"""

"A good way to force people to feel whatever you're feeling is to hum in public"

"Not liking me will always be your problem. Never mine."

"My friend stole my Atlas and won't give it back. Seriously it's the world to me."

"Bro,I seriously locked myself outta my jeep. He was driving a top-less jeep with the windows down."

"What do disabled people get when there's a fire in the building? Left behind"

"If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need."

"Ready, Set, Go... Did you hear about the muslim who was shot by a starting pistol? It was race related."

"You know what the opposite of Netflix and Chill is? 9/11 and school"