185436

Joke of the Day

"If U are nervous about public speaking, no need to picture the audience naked, just realize they will be on their phone ignoring you anyway."

"What do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen? Don't ask her out again."

"Do you know poop is tapered at one end? So your asshole doesn't slam shut."

"I used to be schizophrenic... but now we're ok."

"I asked my North Korean friend how things were over there. He said he couldn't complain."

"What's the difference between pussy and mashed potatoes Mashed potatoes don't make their own gravy"

"I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273oC. My wife thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0 K."

"How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They glow in the dark."

"What do you call a muslim on a plane? A passenger."

"Where do flying pigs land? the airpork!"