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Joke of the Day

"""none of your ridiculous drink recipes tonight, ok dan?"" I promise [later] *stuffing flatbread into blender* WHO WANTS A PITA COLADA"

"Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first? Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright."

"What sort of shoes to ninjas wear? Sneakers."

"Why was the sand wet? Because the seaweed."

"Ladies be careful, some of these guys don't want to get into your pants, they want to wear them."

"Why don't you remove those barriers to imports? It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down."

"I poured spot remover on my dog Now he's gone"

"My parking stub was being bitchy, argumentative, and expensive. It just wanted validation."

"What do gender studies graduates commonly say? ""Would you like fries with that?"""

"*beats dead horse* *kills two birds with 1 stone* *lets cat out of bag* *takes bull by horns* *breaks camels back* *gets kicked out of zoo*"