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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a constipated optimist? A half ass full kind-a guy!"

"Why'd the chicken cross the road.? [reasons unknown]"

"Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? A. Donut seeds."

"How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me."

"President Obama to rename the White House"

"So there was this fish that was swimming along and saw a wall. And said, dam!"

"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"I was in bed with a girl and she said to me, ""I want you to make me scream"". So I said, ""OK. I'll just go outside, put on a ski mask and then kick your front door in. That usually works."""

"Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !"

"Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads? Because every morning they wake up thinking ""What *is* that noise? Oh, right, *of course* !"""