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Joke of the Day
"What did the olive say to the drink. Olive you."
Next Joke
"A little drunk. Playing scrabble with my cat. Not sure who's winning cause he's eaten most of his tiles."
"Peterpan Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old."
"I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn't do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn't getting paid enough."
"I forgot my coffee this morning so I'm gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe."
"Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic"
"The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, ""That's how I want you to do it."""
"Cops: Jay X? Me: Yes. Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike. Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike."
"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"
"does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen"