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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic"

"""Get a womb!"" - me when I see two babies making out."

"What did the insurance company say to the applicant? THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!"

"What's Santa's favorite snack? A crisp Pringle"

"She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time."

"Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas? He was knotty."

"My girlfriend asked me how much we would spend at our wedding. Me: I don't want to spend very much. Her: I want it to be a ten thousand dollar wedding. Me: Okay, so you, can do that then."

"Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a blow job? You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a blow job"

"What would Dorothy have said if she practiced Yoga instead of new age magical thinking? There's no place like OM."

"What do you call a thief running down your stairs? A condescending con descending."