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Joke of the Day
"What does my finger and lemon pie have in common? They both have my rang on them."
Next Joke
"I work in an elevator. It has its ups and downs."
"I'm surprised 4 isn't an unlucky number. Nothing good ever comes from putting 2 and 2 together."
"Just used my phone to record my wife snoring. She'd kill me if I ever played this in front of her friends. So... I guess this is goodbye."
"Why will no one watch the Olympic games this year only old men will be competing"
"Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water Step4) Go outside & get all the cats"
"Some guy who wasn't looking where he was going hit me with a stick today So I beat the shit out of him. And for good measure kicked his Labrador too."
"You guys! I just realized I've been holding my moral compass upside down this whole time."
"Excuse me, but I feel like your eyebrows owe me an apology."
"I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon."