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Joke of the Day

"Just used my phone to record my wife snoring. She'd kill me if I ever played this in front of her friends. So... I guess this is goodbye."

Next Joke
 
"An unsharpened pencil... ...is pointless."
"[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow."
"What is it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale"
"A man is lying in a hospital bed. ""Doctor, how long do I have to live?"" asks the man. ""10,"" replies the doctor. ""10 what?"" ""9."""
"Have you seen the features on the next-gen iPhone? Just google 'Galaxy S4 reviews'."
"A guy goes to the zoo but there is only one animal... It's a shih tzu."
"There are two types of people on Reddit Karmanaut and Unidan"
"Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by."
"a man comes into a bar... or was it a horse? yeah i think it was a horse. so a man comes into a horse...."