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Joke of the Day

"No thanks Black Friday crowds. I do all my Christmas shopping online in a blind panic, as God intended."

"What do you get when you go to a rapper's vegetable farm? Beets by Dre"

"I love the smell of abandoned commercial manufacturing plants. I find it to be a pleasant old factory experience."

"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"

"Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars."

"The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on aprenutshell agreement."

"Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles? The Betty Ford Clinic"

"Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? - A: A sourpuss!"

"Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG"

"[girlfriend talking to me but I can't hear her over crunch of my cereal] ""I think we should see other people"" Yeah sure thing, babe"