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Joke of the Day

"Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars."

"What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts? Bill Nye the Seance guy."

"What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen."

"I would be a bad fish. Fishermen would be like, ""omg i'm so ugly"" and I'd take the bait and disagree, instead of swimming away."

"My job is like defeating a final boss in a video game: I spend hours doing it, and when I finally do, it doesn't matter to anyone else."

"I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet... ...but I just went for the halibut"

"And the Lord said unto John.. ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"""I think it's about time we had a white president"" - 8 year olds"

"What is a broken drum kit's favorite file format? PDF puh-duh... ffffff"

"""Don't Kid Yourself"" would be the greatest brand name for birth control pills."